Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
