I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This is the high leading the old right now
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
