He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
