At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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