i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
