margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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