Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I still have a little drunk in my system
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
