South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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