Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
