Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
