I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
