when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
