No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
