I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
