I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
