yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
