It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
