I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
