I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
