I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
