i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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