You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
