Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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