lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
