Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
