He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
