It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Randomize
