I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
