I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
