I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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