I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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