I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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