i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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