the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
