The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Houston, we have a blender
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
