Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
