I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
