I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
