FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
