I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
