so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
