I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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