i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
