yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
