Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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