if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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