you guys were way drunker than both of me
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
