He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He kissed a someone with a penis
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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