sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
