Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
